05.18.08
BeeBot Says:
Now you can read them all.
Remember if you read it on the Internet, it must be true. ;)
The original name for a butterfly was "flutterby"
Roadkill Soup. 'Possum-bilities - LLB
If a hammer won't fix it, you have an electrical problem.
That toothache sounds so bad it's making my dentures hurt.
Tabloids Headline: Poodle Boy - Doc turns couple's pet into a son.
Honeybees are the only insects that create a form of food that humans can eat.
If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
If there is no wind, row.
A smile is contagious; be a carrier.
Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
A day without sunshine is like, night.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
I just got lost in thought. It wasn't familiar territory.
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your week.
Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
Get a new car for your spouse. It'll be a great trade!
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!
How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.
Without "me" it's just Aweso.
Meditation, it's not what you think.
A little hard work may not hurt anyone, but why take the chance?
Never put off tomorrow what you can avoid all together.
What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?
Shoot for the moon, even if you miss, you will land among the stars.
Think Globally act microscopically
Age and treachery will triumph over youth and skill
Don't ask me... I make it up as I go
Visualize Whirled Peas
Mediocrecalifragilisticexpialidocious
Everyone is born right handed. Only the gifted overcome it.
What did Tennessee? She saw what Arkansas.
If Mississippi loaned Georgia her New Jersey, what did Delaware?
Only in America.....do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke. !
Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
Only in America.....do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
Only in America.......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
EVER WONDER ... Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
EVER WONDER ... Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
EVER WONDER ... Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
EVER WONDER ... Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
EVER WONDER ... Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
EVER WONDER ... Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
EVER WONDER ... Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
EVER WONDER ... Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
EVER WONDER ... Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
EVER WONDER ... Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
EVER WONDER ... You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
EVER WONDER ... Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
EVER WONDER ... Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
EVER WONDER ... If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
EVER WONDER ... If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
Times are tough. I worked for a paper company, but it folded!
It was mealtime on a small airline and the flight attendant asked the passenger if he would like dinner. "What are my choices?" he asked. She replied, "Yes or No."
I Believe in Gun Control and I practice A LOT!
PEACE through superior firepower
Always remember; Wherever you go, there you are!
My road to success is under construction
College: The best 7 years of my life!
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
He who laughs last thinks slowest
A wise monkey never monkeys with another monkey's monkey
Let's put the Fun back in Funeral
I don't need your attitude, I have one of my own!
Caution: I know Karate and seven other Japanese words
Stop continental drift!
Dyslexics of the world... UNTIE!!
Bad spellers of the world eunight!
All generalizations are false.
Pride is what we have - vanity is what others have.
Do what you did when you were a kid: fly a kite, go fishing, hunt a dinosaur
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
Nonconformists are all alike.
Fleece on Earth, good wool to ewe.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Honk if your horn is broken
Honk if you're illiterate
Honk if you love peace and quiet
Honk if you hate noise pollution
Keep on working. Millions of people on welfare depend on you.
Old upholsterers never die. They always recover.
Rust test in progress.
Do Not Wash - this web site is undergoing a scientific dirt test.
This is not an abandoned web site.
Money does buy happiness. Give me $20 and I will smile.
Due to recent cutbacks, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.
A fool and his money are my best friends.
What would Scooby Do?
5 out of 4 people have a problem with fractions.
It's as bad as you think and they are out to get you.
If we weren't all crazy, we would go insane!
Reality is the leading cause of stress.
If I could get a firm grip on reality, I'd choke it.
If you can't change your mind, are you sure you still have one?
I had a handle on life but I broke it.
Out of my mind. Be back in 15 minutes.
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!
Sign at an Italian restaurant: We offer you pizza and quiet.
Sign on an electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts."
Fear is a darkroom where negatives develop.
If trees could scream would we cut them down? Well maybe if they screamed all the time for no reason at all.
In a world without walls and fences, who needs Windows and Gates?
Many people will walk in and out of your life. But only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.
To handle yourself, use your head; To handle others, use your heart.
Anger is only one letter short of danger.
Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people.
He, who loses money, loses much; He who loses a friend, loses much more; He who loses faith, loses all.
Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself.
Remember stressed spelled backwards is desserts.
The best way for a man to remember his wife's birthday is to forget it just once.
Middle age is when the narrow waist and the broad mind begin to change places.
Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
Give a man a match, and he'll stay warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll stay warm for the rest of his life.
What's the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know, nor do I care!
Except for ending slavery, Fascism, Nazism, and Communism, war has never solved anything.
Hukt un fonix werkt fur mee
Sign seen in a veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the car pool lane?
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
Oil doesn't grow on trees, you know - BeeBot
Wise people talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
Birds of a feather flock together... and crap on your car.
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain.
A penny saved is a government oversight.
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
He who hesitates is probably right.
If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.
Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words "The" and "IRS" together it spells "Theirs"?
Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are "XL".
Ecky-ecky-ecky-ecky-pikang-zoop-boing-goodem-zoo-owli-zhiv
I just bought a Wireless Notebook CR 132 for $2.49 from OfficeMax. However when I opened it up, it appears that you need a pen or pencil to operate it - BeeBot
The difference between margarine and butter? Margarine is but ONE (1) MOLECULE away from being "PLASTIC".
I don't do drugs. I get the same effect just standing up fast.
I live in my own little world. But it's OK. They know me here.
I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected.
I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore, I am perfect.
Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I have stayed alive.
Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?
Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.
A good friend will come and bail you out of jail... but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Dang...that was fun!"
I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!
When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk."
The worst thing about accidents in the kitchen is eating them.
Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.
Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?
Stress is when you wake up screaming and then you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
Just remember... if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can read one in prison?
Wouldn't you know it... Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.
The fuzzy bee buzzed the buzzy busy beehive.
Bandwidth ain't free.
Fortune Cookie Fortune: Do not be distracted by meaningless messages.
My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE "If you're going kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!"
My mother taught me RELIGION "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
My mother taught me LOGIC "Because I said so, that's why."
My mother taught me FORESIGHT "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
My mother taught me IRONY "Keep laughing and I'll give you something to cry about."
My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS "Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"
My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM "Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck!"
My mother taught me about STAMINA "You'll sit there 'til all that spinach is finished."
My mother taught me about WEATHER "It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."
My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS "If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen then?"
My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY "If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - Don't Exaggerate!!!"
My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION "Stop acting like your father!"
Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.
A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
In democracy your vote counts. In Feudalism your count votes.
She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.
A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
Life isn't like a box of chocolates...it's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today might burn your butt tomorrow.
There's no place like 127.0.0.1
There are only 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary and those who don't.
Practice Safe Hex & Avoid Computer Viruses Today!
WarDriver - Netstumble your way into somebody else's WiFi recently?
I'm blogging this!
Obey Gravity it's the law! - The Gravity Police are everywhere.
SELECT * FROM users WHERE clue > 0;
0 rows returned.
2 + 2 = 5 (for extremely large values of 2)
PEBKAC = Problem Exists Between Keyboard and Chair.
got root?
INSUFFICIENT MEMORY
übergeek [not an ultrageek, technogeek, or megageek.]
will work for bandwidth
"31337"
[ h4x0r ]
Notice in health food shop window: CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
Spotted in a safari park: ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
Notice in a field: THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES
Message on a leaflet: IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS.
On a repair shop door: WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR; THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)
Can you cry under water?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
What did cured ham actually have?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?
Why are you IN a movie, but your ON television?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.
If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?
Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn.....
HIPAA: If the plural of Hippopotamus is hippopotami then wouldn't Hippadatabases be Hippadatabi? - BeeBot
Ever stop to think... And forget to start again?
A web page is not a sheet of paper.
Inability to Type Not a Disability, 9th Circuit Rules - Wednesday August 15, 2001
Your mouse has moved. Please restart Windows for the change to take effect.
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.
Half the people you know are below average.
99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.
All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.
I intend to live forever - so far, so good.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
My mechanic told me, I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.
A backward poet writes inverse.
Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Sea captains don't like crew cuts.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.
What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway.)
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll show you A flat minor.
When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
Every calendar's days are numbered.
A lot of money is tainted - It taint yours and it taint mine.
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
A plateau is a high form of flattery.
The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
Once you've seen one shopping centre, you've seen a mall.
When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
Acupuncture is a jab well done.
Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.
How do you catch a Unique Rabbit?
Unique up on it.
How do you catch a Tame Rabbit?
Tame way, Unique up on it.
What do you call Cheese that isn't yours?
Nacho Cheese!
What Do You Get From A Pampered Cow?
Spoiled Milk.
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him.
Why don't blind people like to sky dive?
Because it scares the dog.
Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury.
Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.
Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
Coca-Cola was originally green.
A snail can sleep for three years.
A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.
The electric chair was invented by a dentist.
All polar bears are left-handed.
TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.
Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
The Main Library at Indiana University sinks over an inch every year because when it was built, engineers failed to take into account the weight of all the books that would occupy the building.
No word in the English language rhymes with "MONTH".
useful conversions:
Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi
useful conversions:
2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton
useful conversions:
1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope
useful conversions:
Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond
useful conversions:
Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram
useful conversions:
Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knot-furlong
useful conversions:
365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer because it's less filling = 1 lite year
useful conversions:
16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Serling
useful conversions:
Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon
useful conversions:
1000 pains = 1 kilohurtz
useful conversions:
Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower
useful conversions:
Shortest distance between two jokes = A straight line
useful conversions:
454 graham crackers = 1 pound cake
useful conversions:
1 million microphones = 1 megaphone
useful conversions:
1 million bicycles = 2 megacycles
useful conversions:
2000 mockingbirds = two kilomockingbirds
useful conversions:
10 cards = 1 decacards
useful conversions:
1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 Fig Newton
useful conversions:
1000 milliliters of wet socks = 1 literhosen
useful conversions:
1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche
useful conversions:
1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin
useful conversions:
10 rations = 1 decoration
useful conversions:
100 rations = 1 C-ration
useful conversions:
2 monograms = 1 diagram
useful conversions:
8 nickels = 2 paradigms
useful conversions:
2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital = 1 I.V. League
It is impossible to lick your elbow. -- At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow.
The state with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska
The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% ( now get this...) The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%
The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $6,400
The average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: 61,000
Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.
Those San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.
If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.
Hershey's Kisses are called that because the machine that makes them looks like it's kissing the conveyor belt.
Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?
A. Their birthplace
Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested?
A. Obsession
Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter "A"?
A. One thousand
Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common?
A. All invented by women.
Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?
A. Honey
Q. There are more collect calls on this day than any other day of the year?
A. Father's Day
Q. What trivia fact about Mel Blanc (voice of Bugs Bunny) is the most ironic?
A. He was allergic to carrots.
In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase "goodnight, sleep tight".
In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts. So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them mind their own pints and quarts and settle down. It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's"
Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim or handle of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle" is the phrase inspired by this practice.
In Scotland, a new game was invented. It was entitled Gentlemen Only Ladies Forbidden... and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.
Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards.
If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one enjoys it?
"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack?
If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with.
When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's only a "penny" for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
Why is the man (or woman) who invests all your money called a broker?
When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say?
Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted?
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
Actual Bumper Sticker: If At First You Don't Succeed ... Blame Someone Else ... And Seek Counseling.
Actual Bumper Sticker: If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer.
Actual Bumper Sticker: The Earth Is Full -- Go Home.
Actual Bumper Sticker: This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me.
Actual Bumper Sticker: So Many Pedestrians -- So Little Time.
Actual Bumper Sticker: Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult.
Actual Bumper Sticker: If We Quit Voting, Will They All Go Away?
Actual Bumper Sticker: The Face Is Familiar But I Can't Quite Remember My Name.
Actual Bumper Sticker: Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.
Actual Bumper Sticker: Illiterate? Write For Help.
Actual Bumper Sticker: Honk If Anything Falls Off.
Actual Bumper Sticker: Cover Me, I'm Changing Lanes.
Actual Bumper Sticker: He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost But Miles From The Next Exit.
Actual Bumper Sticker: I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To.
Actual Bumper Sticker: Where Are We Going And Why Am I In This Hand Basket?
Actual Bumper Sticker: It's Been Lovely, But I Have To Scream Now.
Actual Bumper Sticker: I Haven't Lost My Mind, It's Backed Up On Disk Somewhere.
Actual Bumper Sticker: Fight Crime -- Shoot Back!
Actual Bumper Sticker: If You Can Read This, Please Flip Me Back Over. [Seen upside Down, On A Jeep]
Actual Bumper Sticker: Remember Folks -- Stop Lights Timed For 35mph Are Also Timed For 70mph.
Actual Bumper Sticker: Ax Me 'bout Ebonics.
Actual Bumper Sticker: Body By Nautilus -- Brain By Mattel.
Actual Bumper Sticker: Boldly Going Nowhere.
Actual Bumper Sticker: Cat -- The Other White Meat.
Actual Bumper Sticker: Don't Be Sexist -- Broads Hate That.
Actual Bumper Sticker: Honk If You've Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car Window.
Actual Bumper Sticker: How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He Is Lost?
Actual Bumper Sticker: Money Isn't Everything, But It Sure Keeps The Kids In Touch.
Actual Bumper Sticker: Saw It ... Wanted It ... Had A Fit ... Got It!
You have just received the Amish Virus. Since we do not have electricity nor computers, you are on the honor system. Please delete all of your files.
Thank thee.
1. There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.
2. When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog that barks all the time run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
3. If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
4. A penny saved is a government oversight.
5. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.
6. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
7. He who hesitates is probably right.
8. If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
9. The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
10. How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.
11. If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?
12. Most of us go to our grave with our music still inside of us.
13. If Wal-Mart is lowering prices every day, how come nothing is free yet?
14. You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.
15. Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
16. Don't cry because it's over: smile because it happened.
17. We could learn a lot from crayons: some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, some have weird names, and all are different colors...but they all have to learn to live in the same box.
18. Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.
19. A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.
20. Happiness comes through doors you didn't even know you left open.
21. Once over the hill, you pick up speed.
22. I love cooking with beer. Sometimes I even put it in the food.
23. If not for STRESS I'd have no energy at all.
24. Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
25. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
26. I know God won't give me more than I can handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much.
27. You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing.
28. Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.
29. We cannot change the direction of the wind ... but we can adjust our sails.
30. If the shoe fits... buy it in every color
31. If you are looking for love you are looking in the wrong places, Love is inside....
Little Known Facts: The sentence "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog." Uses every letter in the alphabet. (Developed by Western Union to Test telex/twx communications)
Little Known Facts: In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.
Little Known Facts: Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches.
Little Known Facts: A duck's quack doesn't echo. Myth Busted! Mythbusters proved it does echo.
Little Known Facts: The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.
Little Known Facts: Did you know that there are coffee flavored PEZ?
Little Known Facts: The reason firehouses have circular stairways is from the days of yore when the engines were pulled by horses. The horses were stabled on the ground floor and figured out how to walk up straight staircases.
Little Known Facts: The airplane Buddy Holly died in was the "American Pie." (Thus the name of the Don McLean song.)
Little Known Facts: Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history. Spades - King David; Clubs - Alexander the Great; Hearts -Charlemagne; and Diamonds - Julius Caesar.
Little Known Facts: 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
Little Known Facts: Clans of long ago that wanted to get rid of their unwanted people without killing them used to burn their houses down - hence the expression "to get fired."
Little Known Facts: Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.
Little Known Facts: The term "the whole 9 yards" came from WWII fighter pilots in the Pacific. When arming their airplanes on the ground, the .50 caliber machine gun ammo belts measured exactly 27 feet, before being loaded into the fuselage. If the pilots fired all their ammo at a target, it got "the whole 9 yards."
Little Known Facts: Hershey's Kisses are called that because the machine that makes them looks like it's kissing the conveyor belt.
Little Known Facts: The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.
Little Known Facts: An ostrich's eye is bigger that it's brain.
Little Known Facts: The longest recorded flight of a chicken is thirteen seconds.
Little Known Facts: The Eisenhower interstate system requires that one mile in every five must be straight. These straight sections are usable as airstrips in times of war or other emergencies.
Little Known Facts: The name Jeep came from the abbreviation used in the army for the "General Purpose" vehicle, G.P.
Little Known Facts: The Pentagon, in Arlington, Virginia, has twice as many bathrooms as is necessary. When it was built in the 1940s, the state of Virginia still had segregation laws requiring separate toilet facilities for blacks and whites.
Little Known Facts: Cat's urine glows under a blacklight.
Little Known Facts: The highest point in Pennsylvania is lower than the lowest point in Colorado.
Little Known Facts: If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have $1.19. You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar.
Little Known Facts: No NFL team which plays its home games in a domed stadium has ever won a Superbowl.
Little Known Facts: The first toilet ever seen on television was on "Leave It To Beaver".
Little Known Facts: The only two days of the year in which there are no professional sports games (MLB, NBA, NHL, or NFL) are the day before and the day after the Major League All-Star Game.
Little Known Facts: Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.
Little Known Facts: The name Wendy was made up for the book "Peter Pan."
Little Known Facts: In Cleveland, Ohio, it's illegal to catch mice without a hunting license.
Little Known Facts: It takes 3,000 cows to supply the NFL with enough leather for a year's supply of footballs.
Little Known Facts: Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.
Little Known Facts: Pound for pound, hamburgers cost more than new cars.
Little Known Facts: The 3 most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca-Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.
Little Known Facts: Humans are the only primates that don't have pigment in the palms of their hands.
Little Known Facts: Ten percent of the Russian government's income comes from the sale of vodka.
Little Known Facts: On average, 100 people choke to death on ballpoint pens every year.
Little Known Facts: In 10 minutes, a hurricane releases more energy than all the world's nuclear weapons combined.
Little Known Facts: Reno, Nevada is west of Los Angeles, California.
Little Known Facts: Average age of top GM executives in 1994: 49.8 years. Average age of the Rolling Stones: 50.6.
Little Known Facts: Elephants can't jump. Every other mammal can.
Little Known Facts: The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.
Little Known Facts: Five Jell-O flavors that flopped: celery, coffee, cola, apple, and chocolate.
Little Known Facts: No piece of paper can be folded in half more than 7 times.
Little Known Facts: Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.
Little Known Facts: You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.
Little Known Facts: Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty years of age or older.
Little Known Facts: The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.
Little Known Facts: The king of hearts is the only king without a mustache
Little Known Facts: A Boeing 747s wingspan is longer than the Wright brother's first flight.
Little Known Facts: American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating 1 olive from each salad served in first-class.
Little Known Facts: Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.
Little Known Facts: Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.
Little Known Facts: The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets.
Little Known Facts: Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.
Little Known Facts: The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer.
Little Known Facts: Barbie's full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts.
If Barbie were life-size, her measurements would be 39-23-33. She would stand seven feet, two inches tall.
Little Known Facts: Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.
Little Known Facts: All US Presidents have worn glasses. Some just didn't like being seen wearing them in public.
Little Known Facts: Walt Disney was afraid of mice.
Little Known Facts: Pearls melt in vinegar.
Little Known Facts: It is possible to lead a cow upstairs... but not downstairs.
BeeBot says: ...And if you read it on the Internet, it must be true!
Developing for the Internet is not like it was back when you first started reading this sentence...
Interesting Trivia: Everyone knows that Sacagawea is on the face of the new "Golden Dollar", but few people know the name of her child. His name was Baggagewea.
Historians are still undecided if the spelling should be:
Bag-of-gawea
or Baggage-wea - BeeBot
Mountain Dew and doughnuts... because breakfast is the most important meal of the day.
Only in America can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
Americans on average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.
Did you hear about the guy who played a blank tape at full blast? ... The mime next door went nuts.
What do you call a cow who has just given birth? -- Decaffeinated
Laughing Stock - cattle with a sense of humor.
The latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population.
Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Only in America do banks leave both doors to the vault open and then chain the pens to the counters.
As Luke reached for his meatloaf, a small voice in his mind whispered,
"Use the Fork, Luke!" - BeeBot
The Force is like Duct Tape - it has a dark side, it has a light side, and it binds the universe together!
Only in America do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
Wouldn't you rather be "gruntled" than "disgruntled"?
The Forest Service has issued a BEAR WARNING in the national forests for this summer. They're urging everyone to protect themselves by wearing bells and carrying pepper spray.
Campers should be alert for signs of fresh bear activity, and they should be able to tell the difference between Black Bear dung and Grizzly Bear dung. Black Bear dung is rather small and round. Sometimes you can see fruit seeds and/or squirrel fur in it. Grizzly Bear dung has bells in it, and smells like pepper spray.
Mental Dental
Our Motto is: "Your teeth problems are all in your head." - BeeBot
Just say no...
There is no quick fix, only prevention. "If someone offers you beta software on the Net, just say no and run away. Contact your nearest adult, teacher, or law enforcement officer. Remember, beta software not only messes up your mind, it can ruin your computer life". This has been a public service announcement from other beta users. Users are Losers! - BeeBot
And now with today's traffic light report...It's yellow, it's red, still red, red, RED. It's green! Still green, green...
And now back to the news. - BeeBot
Only in America do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
New, Sodium Free, Sugar. Yes it's 100% pure cane sugar that's Salt Free. Great for that low sodium diet, try Sugar! It's naturally salt free. - BeeBot
"You can never waste too much bandwidth on the Internet sending junk e-mail."
Culinary Tip: Leftovers - taste them again for the first time.
UPCOMING MASTERCARD COMMERCIAL
Lockheed F-16 Fighting Falcon - $25 million dollars...
Lockheed F-117 Nighthawk Stealth Bomber - $45 million dollars...
Boeing B-52 Stratofortress - $74 million dollars...
Brand new B-2 Stealth Bomber - $2.1 billion dollars...
A decent map of downtown Belgrade... Priceless.
There are some things that money can't buy...
Unfortunately good intelligence isn't one of them. For the rest, there's MasterCard, the official card of the 19 member NATO alliance and those who believe that sometimes you just need to blow up something in order to restore peace.
"Sure, it's every American's right to post false or misleading information on the Internet."
-The Detroit News
Mahatma Ghandi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, and produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail, and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him what?...
A super callused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis.
Take Memor-All everyday and forget you ever had a memory problem. Just two a day is all it takes. Don't forget, Memor-All. - BeeBot
HahTumMeL
Web Developer: "Sir, you'll need to paste the HTML code into your page..."
User: "What is this H.T.E-Mail code you're talking about?"
Web Developer: "Sir, that stands for High Tech E-Mail..." - BeeBot
Greenlawn Mobile Gnome Park. - BeeBot
Well it's not always unfettered but it is unmetered. - BeeBot
Is your IntRAnet driving you UltRAnuts? - BeeBot
With Internet Explorer 4.0 you won't remember how much memory you needed. - BeeBot
Unlimited/Unfettered access Get 3 months for the price of 5...Now how much would you pay? WAIT, don't answer...We will even throw in one month absolutely FREE! Normally you would expect to pay $1,279,435 and 79 cents for an account like this but with this new low, LOW pricing plan you pay ONLY $99.75. (or you can make 4 EAZEEEE payments of $59.99, make checks payable to Bill & Ted) ;-)
Sign up for Martha Stewart's Driving Class...Today's lesson Parking 101. "It's a good thing."
BWUAHAHAHA!
Rolling Light · 1/3/2005
this is %@$&in' amazing!!! You are awesome.
· 2/4/2005
· 3/11/2005
· 3/11/2005
· 10/25/2005
Way cool! I just love this kind of humour.
What I'd really like to do is to get an agent program that I can make choose from jokes or quotes and say nice things to me.
When I finally do manage to find or make it, your quips are just the sort of things I want it to say! Is that okay?
I can't email-couldn't afford to renew my ISP. They closed the email, but still let me get online. (nice, huh?)
I just surfed over to give your site another look after reading about your ms problems on the MASH forum. It did make me uneasy. Okay now tho.
Nice to be able to get thru to you. Most places require an email program that works...
Kind Regards
Katherine Que'nelle (AuntKate)
Katherine Que'nelle · 12/4/2005
Dear Katherine, Please go ahead and use all these quotes. 99% are quotes that I've collected from funny e-mail that I've received. I think these belong to our culture. The only ones I've made up say - BeeBot at the end.
- BeeBot · 12/5/2005
Rather funny and interesting!
· 3/21/2006
yonder over there
· 7/7/2006
I notice it has been a while since anyone posted...I think this is a great site! Keep up the good work! There are others of us out here who like to play with MS Agent scripting...even if we aren't professionals! Hey - I need some voices for my agents...I am so sick of the lousy computer voices, even adjusted they sound YUCK...any ideas?
Ellyn · 10/22/2006
zzy · 12/6/2006
(\__/) This is Bunny.
(='.'=) copy and paste bunny onto your sig.
(')_(') Help Bunny gain World Domination.
BeeBot · 1/16/2007